“I’m the One with Stage 4 Cancer—But I’m Still the Caregiver”
At almost 80 years old, Momma should have been resting between her chemo and radiation appointments—not lifting others up, cooking meals, or sorting through insurance paperwork for the people she loved. But there she was.
She had always been the one to step up. It’s just what you do in a blue-collar family. You don’t ask who else can carry the weight—you just carry it.
When her breast cancer returned, this time spreading to her spine, she may have thought life might finally slow down. That maybe, just maybe, someone would take care of her for once. But almost at the same time, her daughter-in-law began forgetting simple things—how to get home from the store, the way to make her favorite recipe, even the names of people she’s loved for years. Then, momma’s oldest son, just 54, started changing. Quiet. Frustrated. Lost. His doctors finally gave it a name: frontotemporal dementia.
So now, momma was not just living with terminal cancer. She became the caregiver—for both of them.
This is not a story of pity. It’s a story of reality—for our mom and for thousands of others.
Mom and others her age are the elder caregivers. They’re managing medication schedules while hiding their own pain. They’re attending doctor’s appointments for others while silently dreading their own. They are seen as the "strong ones," the dependable ones—but sometimes, no one asks how they’re really doing.
💡 Practical Insight:
If you’re an older adult caring for someone with dementia while managing your own illness, here are a few small shifts that helped mom:
Use a daily whiteboard or a sheet of paper. List medications, reminders, and meals. It helps all of us stay on track, even on days when your body is too tired to explain.
Ask one person for one thing. Stop waiting for people to “just help.” Have the courage to ask: “Can you bring dinner on Tuesdays?” or “Can you sit with him for two hours on Fridays?” Be specific.
Keep a folder. One place for every medical paper, diagnosis, and prescription—for yourself and your loved ones.
These tips don’t fix the hard stuff, but they create moments of clarity in the chaos.
📢 A Call to Awareness:
The healthcare system doesn’t see people like mom. It assumes caregiving stops with age or illness. But for many, it never does.
We need caregiver support programs that include elder caregivers—the ones holding entire families together with limited income and fewer resources than ever before.
This blog series will follow our mom’s story over the next six weeks, not to shine a spotlight on hardship—but to show just how much heart, strength, and sacrifice lives in the people no one’s checking on.
Elders may be aging, but they’re still carrying the weight of others. It’s time someone carried them, too.
